Expectation vs. Reality

I knew it would be hard. Of course it would be. Having two babies at home with double the diapers to change and double the ‘work’. A few weeks after delivering I was still crying. I cried a lot. About everything. It’s actually very common for most moms and is due to the drop in hormones after delivering. 

I wanted to have a VBAC delivery and had a C-section instead. More on that later. 

In a nutshell, my symptoms included really bad BO under the arms, sweaty hands and feet, a constant heart pressure, racing heart beat, and a lot of indecision. I couldn’t even decide what to eat. I knew I was hungry and more than usual since I was breastfeeding but I couldn’t decide what to make so I’d end up grabbing the first snack I found. I also felt thirsty all the time. Oh, and how could I forget to mention the sleep? And not lack of sleep because of breastfeeding or the kids waking up. I basically couldn’t sleep more than 1 or 2 hours a night. I also felt more insecure than usual and felt more scared of anything and everything. Most decisions made me super stressed especially anything work or tax related. My sister that lives in Miami kept inviting me for girls nights and dinners and I’d usually be up for it but had zero motivation to join and small talk. 

Now let’s talk expectations. There are so many. Overall, society and my family expects the new mom to be happy and over the moon with the new baby.  I was very happy with my little girl but that didn’t take away my feelings. Since I don’t work fulltime the expectation is for me to be taking care of the kids and feeling grateful for that as so many moms in this country have to go back to the office weeks after delivering. There is no actual law at a national level, which is so sad. When I delivered Mathias I was working at an NGO and asked to return in a flexible way so I could still breastfeed and they didn’t allow it. 1 year after COVID happened and the whole office was working from home so technically it could be done. Back to expectations. People also expected me to look good, have mani pedi done, be waxed, have a cute hairdo, wear a cute outfit (how is that even possible with 2 under 2 and constant breastfeeding?). And let’s not mention the home, which should be ready to receive visits, although thanks to COVID this wasn’t as much of a reality as Emma was born during the pandemic (August 2020). If anyone did come, the house should look good, be clean, and I should be cooking especially for Emma’s first foods at 6 months. Just typing this was exhausting. 

All I really wanted was some support and spoiling.

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