And the downs continue…

I’ve been doing pretty well on my 2022 health goals so far. I’ve been going down to the gym almost every day of the week when the kids are at school. I’ll usually do a 30 minutes walk and strength training. When I have extra time I also do a 30 minutes stretch session or a 20 minutes sauna.

I started progesterone treatment last week and have been injecting testosterone twice a week for the past three weeks. I can’t really say I feel a difference. Also, Ryan increased my daily dose of venlafaxina to the equivalent I was taking of duloxetine. I also have not felt a difference. I did have another down in January that rolled onto February that lasted for about 3 weeks, which is longer than usual. Fortunately, my therapist and I noticed it was milder in general although I had a few very rough days. 

The downs have evolved. According to my therapist, they’ve gradually decreased in intensity. My psychiatrist says the idea of treatment is to reduce the frequency and intensity. So it seems to be working in terms of intensity but I don’t like that they come back once a month and it’s still a very intense struggle when I’m in them. I feel very limited. My motivation is to do nothing. Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in bed and lay there until it passes. But I can’t. I have two little ones that depend on me. That need to be fed. That need diaper changes. Hugs. Playing. And just overall caring for. So although I want to stop and do nothing I can’t. Most of the time I’m grateful for that since they keep me going. But it’s hard. Very hard. 

Work and overall admin to do’s really stresses me. Paying bills becomes a whole ordeal since I stress about technology and about doing something wrong. Also, most content stresses me: emails, social media, news, books, podcasts, etc. So even though I usually love reading it’s something I avoid when downs come. I also stress about simple social interactions like taking my kids to the park. Because I know I’ll have to small talk with at least some mom. 

I’ve luckily gotten through this last down and am slowly getting back into more of my “normal” activities. I am finally feeling more comfortable and at ease with my day-to-day routine.

Photo by Anni Roenkae on

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